Fan Mail

Our family has been receiving a lot of fan mail lately. Yes, half of them are medical bills, but the other half are wonderful words of encouragement.  Both make us cry, but for very different reasons.  Our most avid fan bases seem to be North Carolina & Saddleback Memorial Medical Center.  Well, I will gather Kevin’s stack of letters and place them on the kitchen counter so he can see them.  I have found myself perplexed when the stack of letters stay there unopened.  When I asked Kevin about it, he said he loved receiving letters, he just had to wait for the right moment to open them.  Not me.  I take claims on any letter addressed to “The Hegewalds.”  I tear into them and can hardly wait to feel the love that comes out of the envelope.  Imagine my surprise and utter joy when a letter came addressed simply to “Sister Hegewald.”  It had just MY name on it.  It was just for ME.  I tore it open and read the first few lines before I put it back in the envelope and tucked it in my pocket.  I now understood Kevin.  I wanted to wait for the right moment to read this letter.  

It was from Taylor Florence.  I don’t know Taylor very well ..I’ve met him a handful of times, but I do know that if he could convince Heather Reese to marry him, he must be top notch.  Taylor and I share a common bond.  We both know what it feels like to live with someone who is fighting for their life.  I didn’t know his mom.  I wish I did.  I’ve heard so many amazing stories about Julie Florence, and quite honestly, they all sounded too good to be true.  But when I heard the same type of stories and characteristics repeated by the next person, and the next person, and the next person, I pretty much accepted them as truth.   I remember hearing how she invited babies over so she could teach her girls how to feed and change a baby.  I was touched by that.  I have an odd connection to Julie and I didn’t remember it until Taylor’s letter came.  Almost five years ago we moved into our new house and neighborhood in Talega.  I was asked to speak in church, and I was kind of excited because I thought this would be a great introduction to meet the church members.  That Sunday the church benches were only half full.  There was an exodus of church members who had traveled to Utah that weekend for Julie’s funeral.  It has made me think how many of these same people who loved and cared for Julie, are now doing it for me.  I’ve wondered how they are so good at it. .It's because they've done it before.   

Taylor, I’m your number one fan.  Thanks for not just telling me that “it will all work out” . .Thanks for showing me that it does.  I love ya. 

*Kevin goes in tomorrow for a CT-scan and MRI to monitor progress.  He has felt great, tired, but great - no back pain, no anti nausea patch needed.  Again, the oncologists don’t expect to see much change until after 4 or 6 rounds of chemo.  But we remain hopeful. "Hope for Hegewald"

In His Hands

Warning:   If sap (my editor/critic said I should explain this means “gooey emotion,” which is an occasional side effect of living with someone who is fighting cancer) makes you uncomfortable, I advise you to turn your computer off and walk away. 

I LOVE this picture!  When I turned on the computer this morning it popped up on the screen as my screensaver and I cried!  The picture speaks for itself.  It totally encompasses the way I feel right now.  I know that Kevin and our family are in the hands of the Lord.  And I know that the Savior loves our family and is completely aware of what we are going through.  

But this isn’t the only reason I LOVE this picture.  I love it because I didn’t know we had it!  Last December our computer’s external storage device went on overload and the years and years of photos, movies, and music, in a blink were gone!  I must admit, I thought it was tragic.  Actually, I still think losing all of my photos would be tragic because if I’m relying on just storing all of those memories in my brain, when I lose my keys or call my kids the wrong names, I think it would be totally debatable that my brain is not the best storage device.   Long story made short: most of our media was recovered after just a few months (4!) and just a few dollars (a lot more than 4).  Just this week we got our new storage device up and running and I’m really looking forward to organizing the 10,895 photos.  I’m not complaining.  I’m grateful to have every single one of them.  Especially this one. 

The other reason I LOVE this picture is because of what a great memory it brings back.  The weekend before Christmas, our family drove to the Los Angeles temple to see the Christmas lights and to spend the night in the apartments right there on the L.A. Mormon temple property.  Imagine 4 concrete walls, no tv, no phone, no nothin’  Throw in a torrential rain storm and we had the perfect environment for some family bonding time playing games until late. The next morning, Kevin, Josh, and Sophie woke up early and went to the temple to perform baptisms.  There they met J-bird.  J-bird and Kevin bonded instantly.  Not only did Kevin fall in love with J-bird’s amazing conversion story, but how often when you meet someone can you say, “Nice to meet you J-bird, I’m K-dog.”  (By the way, one of Kevin’s nicknames for Josh has always been J-bird)  Later that morning when we were visiting the temple Visitor’s Center (amazing!  all new exhibits) we heard J-bird’s voice!  Sure enough, there was J-bird sharing his testimony in one of the new videos. . we call him a local Mormon celebrity.  So, with memories of games, and rain, and J-bird, we snapped this family photo in front of the large Christus statue.  And like I said, the picture speaks for itself.

By the way, Kevin is doing great this week - tired, but not puking.  He’s spent a couple of days working at the hospital, and a couple of evenings working on a pinewood derby car (with Ben of course).  He wants me to display some pictures from our Spring Break trip to Utah. . .once I locate them in the 10,895 photos, I’ll do it!!  As always, thank you for your prayers.  They are felt.  

Rollercoaster

I hate rollercoasters.  Actually, I am terrified of rollercoasters.  Just ask my sister.  She convinced me to go on Disneyland’s Thunder Mountain with her (Yes, I know, my kids tell me “it’s the slowest rollercoaster ever.”) I screamed the entire ride.  My sister laughed the entire ride, at me screaming.  (It was actually the least I could do for her since it was her birthday) So, this past week with Kevin was a rollercoaster ride.  Thank goodness not the loopty loop California Screamin’ type, just the Thunder Mountain type.  Wednesday morning, he was up . .Kevin walked the kids to school, spent a little time out in the garden. .and then he was down . .spent the rest of the day in bed.  Thursday, he just stayed down . .spent the entire day in bed.  But Friday he was up again . .a meeting at the hospital . .and then down for a nap . . but then up again for a family board game.  Saturday he stayed down . .so he could get up for Sam’s indoor soccer game . . and then the grand finale for the week. . Kevin worked last night at the hospital.  So you can see, it depends what time you ask me how Kevin is doing as to what answer you’re going to get.  Like I said, it’s a rollercoaster ride . . and it doesn’t matter if we’re going up or coming down . .I’m screaming the entire ride!  

Thanks, Mom, for keeping the kids and house functioning this week.  We’re all sad to see you go . .except for the few remaining snails in our garden.

Round 2: Calm . . (before the storm?)

Kevin went in yesterday morning for his second round of chemo.  He came home with the man purse again for a 24 hour infusion, and I must say this time the purse looked much more like a lady’s handbag.  Amazingly, he has felt pretty good.  He’s committed to doing a few things better this time - drink more, eat more, stay ahead of the nausea, listen to his doctor, listen to his wife - and we’re optimistic that last rounds puke fest was a result from the cyberknife.  We want to thank all friends, neighbors, co-workers, and family members who fasted and prayed this past weekend on our family’s & Kevin’s behalf. It was awesome to see our church benches filled with our ward family, Kevin’s ER family, and neighbors we love like family.  We felt your tremendous love & support - thank you.

Kevin has an amazing ability to remain calm, which serves him well as an ER doctor.  When we were living in Loma Linda for Kevin’s Emergency Medicine residency, little Joshie jumped off the couch and his top teeth went right through his bottom lip!  Kevin’s immediate reaction was, “We need a doctor.  We need a doctor.”  I was horrified as I was wondering what we had just spent $200K and the past 4 years of our life doing!  (I love repeating this story. To Kevin’s credit, he simply meant that we needed to take Joshua to the hospital for stitches . .Remember, this was back before the days of Kevin keeping his own suture set at home and performing the surgeries himself on our kitchen counter.)

In the shock and awe moments of the first few days after Kevin’s diagnosis, Sam caught me staring off while getting him into the car for soccer.  He said, (read this next quote in your most exasperated voice) “Mom, you are so calm.  You could lose a child and you’d still be standing there all calm!”  This has made me ponder where we have found our ability to remain calm.  Well, you only have to look to our parents and our ancestors to know that we have strength, and the fight to endure, and the ability to remain calm coursing through our veins.  Growing up, when I was faced with a challenge, my mom would say, “You can do it!  You come from pioneer stock!”  Somehow from the sound of it, I wasn’t sure it was a compliment. But I consider it one of the highest compliments when I think about one of my great-grandmothers who crossed the plains with a 3 week old baby and her 7 other children, and buried her 3 year old son along the way.  Kevin’s parents are modern day pioneers with stories from which legends are made of.  Stories of Kevin’s dad include a single salted herring hanging by a string over the dinner table for the entire family to share, training German Shepherds by allowing them to chase & chew on him, and escaping from East Germany by jumping out of a moving train with nothing but a small satchel.  Kevin’s mom also escaped from East Germany, and then once in America, worked the graveyard shift for over 30 years, and is a cancer survivor herself with the help of modern medicine and sheer mental power.  Yep, it’s not just poison running through Kevin’s veins right now; We both have the strength of generations running through us.  

In the Hegewald home, we are enjoying the calm right now . . .maybe before the storm? . . but who knows, this time it might just stay calm.

Next event:  A CT scan and MRI in 2  1/2 weeks to look for progress.  The oncologist today said most patients on yondalis don’t see shrinking results until 4 to 6 rounds of chemo.  Success will be considered if the tumors have not grown or spread.  I’m still praying for shrinking!  

Fast

Fast.  This word could describe our week in Salt Lake City.  Josh driving on the freeway.  Sam skiing down the ski slope.  But the fast I am referring to, is when you willingly go without food or water in the hopes that your prayers will be answered. Quite an ironic word, because when I am fasting, the time goes by very   s l o w l y.  But there is a secret with fasting.  If you fast with a purpose the experience becomes worthwhile.  If you fast without a purpose, well, in the words of Benjamin, "then it just feels like starving."  Our Bishop, leader of our local church, has invited the members of our church congregation to fast this weekend, from Saturday evening to Sunday afternoon, on behalf of Kevin.  We are deeply humbled by this. We would love to invite any friends, neighbors, or family members who would like to participate in the fast, to please do so!  We might turn down a tuna casserole (hee hee), but we will never turn down a prayer said on Kevin's behalf. 
Well, we are leaving at 4 in the morning to drive home, so I better get to bed FAST!